Harder Than Dying
(3 August 2004) 2004 by Kristi Martel

You never believed me that the sky was bigger there...
"in California."
California, you were not my home.
I tried to make you mine, but
you never were.

Here in Rhode Island I am making my way each day in this tiny state
where the sky is smaller,
the buildings are taller,
the trees are greener and bolder,
and the air holds water.

I still need the ocean here almost like you did there.
But I am not a bird.
I will not fly away home.
I will keep my feet planted on this shore
'til it's my time to go.

Living is harder than dying,
and truth is harder than lying.
My roots dig deeper than your flying
pulled me to sky.

You wanted to fly.
So fly away, Littlebird.
You are my truest home still.
And here in my heart you live:
alive alive alive!

And I don't blame you - no,
just as you don't blame me.

Go back to Writings